If there is one phrase I hate, and do not wish to add credence to, it's "lesbian bed death". However, just like all couples find...flames burn out, fire smolders, sparks fade, excitement becomes toleration, even boredom.
With lesbians this may happen faster than with heterosexual couples and I have several half-baked theories as to why this is so.
In part, lesbians are so good at figuring out what our partners want, and giving to them, that it becomes a bit of a drill, a hell of a lot faster than some poor guy trying to figure out what the hell is going on down there. By the time he gets it, his wife has already been frustrated for years, and is grateful for anything even remotely resembling what she might actually want!
The point is to not always just give each other an orgasm as quickly and efficiently as possible, so you can go to sleep, but to enjoy the process of getting there, and getting there isn't always the most important aspect of love making either.
Another reason for the speedy demise of romance among lesbians, may be their penchant for collecting cats. The bed becomes laden with cats (dogs, ferrets, parakeets, peeves and resentments), making sex close to impossible without disturbing something.
Setting personal boundaries is another area in which lesbians do not excel. Being joined at the hip constantly, even during bathroom time, can kill a romance faster than a bare foot jackrabbit on a red hot skillet in the middle of August. The nurturing of mystery is crucial to the survival of the libido.
It has also been my experience that a good many lesbians, deviants that we are, lack an adventurous spirit or creativity when it comes to sex. Many of us are too shy or embarrassed to even talk to our partners about things we'd like to experiment with, or have even done in the past, if we feel our current partners might not approve. The inability to communicate our needs for fear of being judged harshly pretty much insures that those needs, those unspoken, secret, dirty, hidden needs...will not be met.
Am I suggesting that we fumble around a lot so that things stay "interesting" for a longer period of time? Not exactly... Of course if you wish to ensure this so called "lesbian bed death" go here and follow these steps.
If you want to keep the flame alive, you need to work at it. Keep up with your personal hygiene and grooming. Go "toy" shopping together! You may or may not have checked out the Cy-Dy link that I provided in an
earlier post. If you didn't, maybe you should. If you did, you know that some of this stuff may be unfamiliar to you, but "fun" to watch and and at least think about. My sweetie was drawn to the "dark-play" area, where some of the focus is on dominant/submissive role playing. Pushing the boundaries of trust can strengthen your relationship in other ways as well. She directed my attention there.
Porn can be a great way for couples to communicate desires to one another. If I find a picture of two women doing something that I seem to fixate on, I send it to my girl in the middle of the afternoon, and say..."thinking of you". This plants a seed in her mind, so when I see her later, she has a pretty good idea where I'd like things to go. She can and does sometimes do the same. I got the idea that she wanted to be dominated, in fact she's pretty much said that to me in plain English. I also thought after watching some of the video from her favorite porn category, that some light bondage might be in order.
Quite excited about the prospect of trying something completely new, I went downtown the little sex shop and picked out a leather collar, a couple of wrist cuffs, ankle cuffs, and some nice soft, but strong rope. I put it all down on the counter, and the sales woman said, "Looks like a party!" She rung it all up, and gave me the total, "That comes to $123.00" she said.
"Wow, that's an expensive first date!" I replied. She stopped short for a second, a little stunned, although I'm sure they are not supposed to be, ever... and I let her off the hook. "I'm just kidding" I said laughing, and she laughed too, and added, "It would've been a pretty fun first date!"
I had some carabiners lying around, and looked up rope knots on the Internet, and started practicing some good knots, granny just wasn't going to get it done! I found a way to discretely anchor a ring, that came to the top center of my mattress, to the floor without making any permanent holes, and avoided using my bed frame to handle any stress. I also had four other anchor points available toward the corners of the bed. It was actually very easily done.
I had sent a picture of a woman wearing a strap on, fucking another woman who was tied up, to my girl. The submissive woman had a collar on, and I knew my sweetie would like that! She responded favorably to the email, so after making my purchases, I dumped everything I'd bought out onto a table, took a picture of it with my phone, and sent that to her too. "Oh my god, did you buy that stuff?" she blurted out when she got the pic message, and called me immediately. "Yes, I did. We're going to have some fun this weekend!"
She did let me tie her up, and I did betray her trust, only slightly, by getting a can of whipped cream out and applying it to her various lickable parts, just to torture her because I knew she would not have let me do it otherwise (hates the sticky). I was surprised how much I liked having complete control over her, the pace, the sequence, the timing, all of it, and although I am partial to her having the ability to grab me, we both found aspects of it very enjoyable. As a bonus, she learned just how much she really does trust me, which I think made us both happy. Unfortunately, I did not get the opportunity to prove my trust, but I am looking forward to the day when I can.
photo by Bansky
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