There is no magic left. Rest in peace Certain Magician.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
The previous story has played itself out, and...I lost. Which one was I? The one who couldn't choose between the two, without first meeting the one from a long distance away. The inability to see all the love that was standing in front of me, trying so hard to be seen and appreciated, was my downfall. I kept thinking the way to the answer was the meeting, and didn't think of looking in my heart to settle it, until it was too late. If I had I'd be happy right now.
Instead, I am the queen of nothing...but heartache. I caused it by buying the ticket, and a total disregard for the feelings I was trampling on, as well as my blindness to the most wonderful woman I've ever had the pleasure of having in my life. There is no good explanation. I don't deserve forgiveness but wish for it with all my heart. I am filled with regret and self-loathing. I have gone to such lengths to insure my misery, and I don't understand why.
A second chance, would be the gift of a lifetime. My vision is clear, my heart is hanging on by a thread to the hope of belonging to my adorable marble once again. My actions have been reprehensible and I know I don't deserve another chance to hold the tender heart in my hands that I have crushed so thoughtlessly; still, my head is filled with nothing but thoughts of finally looking into those beautiful blue eyes with my whole heart, there for the keeping...