Monday, July 14, 2008

My Family: A brief Introduction

A little background: My kid sister is six feet of long legs, long foofy hair, eye shadow, and fake boobs.

We are...not alike!

On father's day, my mom, one of her friends, Lisa, who's known us for years, my sister, and I were all sitting in the kitchen drinking margaritas and chatting. Lisa is driving the conversation by asking my sister (affectionately known to me, as La-la) and me a bunch of random questions about our childhoods. Then comes the stunner: "So, was one of you a tom-boy?"

My sister and I exchange quick glances that say, "Are you daft woman? How much have you had to drink?"

La-la responds: "I'd put my money on the one that cut off all her hair, and wears a sports bra."

Laughter ensues from all of "us", but Lisa still looks a little unclear. La-la throws in: "The one that works with power tools for a living...?"

****************************Time passes*******************************

Yesterday while visiting the fam, La-la asks me: "Did you go to see Melissa Etheridge last night?"

Me: "No, Where was she playing?"

La-la: "The city you live in (actually said the name of the city), I thought you'd be there for sure!"

Me: "Ya know, Melissa Etheridge doesn't just mail out tickets to all the lesbians who live in the zip code when she tours. You have to know about the concert, and buy the tickets!"

Mom: "Bwaahaahahaha"

La-la: "She could get a mailing list from the people that sell sports bras if she wanted to do it!"


greymatters said...

... and if she did mail out to those who wear (ahem) toolbelts and sports bras, who is to say the recipients would even WANT to go to a ME concert.

If I got paid to go, I might consider it ... LOL.

RED MOJO said...

Melissa always sends me tickets when she's coming to town!

Certain Magician said...

greymatters, I'm sure there are enough women willing to pay, so I wouldn't be expecting a bribe check anytime soon. :)

red mojo, Do they come Fed Ex, or does she stuff them into the box of long-stems she no doubt sends as well?

comfortandjoy said...

I love this story because I know you, and I know how ridiculous it is to question your dyke-hood.

However, I will refrain from commenting for fear that I will say something stupid and presumptuous.

I just can't take the risk, I'm still trying to repair my shattered self esteem.

Your Loving But Broken Marble,

Certain Magician said...

cj, I would slay the slime that broke you, were it only not me! I am a monumental fool for having hurt with my careless humor. I thought you knew me. I thought you expected my barbs when a laugh is at hand, despite your sensitive heart. I am so sorry my delicate fractured beauty.

comfortandjoy said...


I detect some sarcasm here.


My Certain Magician, your wand is a spear, and my heart is full of holes.

*grabs breast and staggers*

Yeah, I said breast. Remember my breasts?

Hope you can figure out how to bury your face in a memory.

Yours, Maybe,


Certain Magician said...

cj, Your dramatic flare is only second to one, over at the whatthewhogivesashit blog, and that's a lot of f-ing drama!!!

I do remember your breasts, quite fondly actually and do hope to bury my face in them soon.

I'm sure there is an award nomination of some kind for you in all of this. "Blacting"?

Forgive me, please.

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