Now Here's This...

photo by Bansky

First of all I would like to thank everyone who participated in my survey. I have collected all the data, and analyzed it, and according to my findings...I was able to draw one lurker out into the comments section!

Thank you unbalanced!

No one else even bothered to make an anonymous selection. With three responses from three, what I'm pretty sure are over-sexed women, it leaves my findings somewhat inconclusive. But that's not what this post is about!

My adorable little marble, Comfort and Joy, the very gifted writer of the blog A Shining Wreck, is going to begin taking the California Bar Exam tomorrow. It's a three day long test that she has been studying for since she graduated from law school back in May. She has worked really hard and long on this, and could use your positive thoughts, prayers, wishes, voodoo, mojo, or anything else you have just lying around.

This has been a grueling process and has taken a bit of a toll on CJ, so please let her know you're pulling for her either here, or at her blog. When it's all over...we will be having sex for most of August!

Thanks for your kind thoughts and support.

Sorry, I'm Spoken For...Kind of

Yes, it's true...Well, actually No, it's not! But my adorable little marble is coming to stay with me for the entire month of August. We have not spent longer than four or five days together up to now, so this is where the rubber meets the road.

Can a mid-fortier keep up with a not quite thirtier in the sack, among other places? I have represented my age group in fine fashion during those relatively short visits. I am a very sexual person, much more so than the average forty seven year old, or so I believe. However, she is a very sexual twenty nine year old, who seems to be able to run on little or no sleep quite easily. I want my eight, but need my six hours of beauty sleep.

I am hoping that you guys...you who come here and don't comment, just read, or lurk, or stalk, will help me by answering an anonymous poll about sexual activity. You don't have to comment, or sign in, just pick the appropriate answer.

You know you want to:

My Family: A brief Introduction

A little background: My kid sister is six feet of long legs, long foofy hair, eye shadow, and fake boobs.

We are...not alike!

On father's day, my mom, one of her friends, Lisa, who's known us for years, my sister, and I were all sitting in the kitchen drinking margaritas and chatting. Lisa is driving the conversation by asking my sister (affectionately known to me, as La-la) and me a bunch of random questions about our childhoods. Then comes the stunner: "So, was one of you a tom-boy?"

My sister and I exchange quick glances that say, "Are you daft woman? How much have you had to drink?"

La-la responds: "I'd put my money on the one that cut off all her hair, and wears a sports bra."

Laughter ensues from all of "us", but Lisa still looks a little unclear. La-la throws in: "The one that works with power tools for a living...?"

****************************Time passes*******************************

Yesterday while visiting the fam, La-la asks me: "Did you go to see Melissa Etheridge last night?"

Me: "No, Where was she playing?"

La-la: "The city you live in (actually said the name of the city), I thought you'd be there for sure!"

Me: "Ya know, Melissa Etheridge doesn't just mail out tickets to all the lesbians who live in the zip code when she tours. You have to know about the concert, and buy the tickets!"

Mom: "Bwaahaahahaha"

La-la: "She could get a mailing list from the people that sell sports bras if she wanted to do it!"

I Wonder If You Know...

You say you're not for keeping, but that's all I want to do.

You tell me you're a pain in the ass and I'd want to be rid of you.

I tell you time and time again that it simply isn't true.

Your tears make my heart expand beyond the size of my chest.

My love for you cannot live within the boundaries of my flesh.

My mind cannot encompass it, my legs cannot bear it's weight.

My love is like a super-hero, fast and strong and great.

It can fight off all evil, it can withstand all pain.

Nothing can pierce this love of mine, not sun or snow or rain.

My poetry is hideous, you know as well as I.

But you will read this again and again and that you can' t deny.

Oh by the way, if you didn't know, I like you better than the sky.

*I like you better than the sky blatantly stolen from e.e. Cummings.

What's More Patriotic Than a 4th of July Sex Quiz?

This is the result of my "What's Your Sexual Type?" Quiz: TYPE P
You scored 83 imagination, 75 confidence, 58 dominance, and 75 generosity!



You are a KINKY, CONFIDENT, DOMINANT lover who prefers to give. This means that: You like relatively kinky sex, and you have the great imagination that will always keep your partner guessing and excited! There's no getting bored with you around, you could never settle for dull sex, you want something fun and new all the time. You aren't afraid to try out anything you hear about. You might just be an intelligent lover who needs to be mentally engaged, or perhaps you have some dirty dark secret kinky desires, but either way, you're never boring. You are pretty confident in bed. This means that you know you can please your lover. Maybe you've read a lot of sex manuals, or have the experience from previous lovers, or just tend to be skilled at whatever you get your hands on, but you're good and you know it. You can really get results and know that you have pure talent, so you won't be hiding away shy, pretending to be all innocent. Your partners love your naughty self assurance, you don't hesitate and this makes you a sensational lover. You tend to be dominant in bed, so you prefer to be the one giving the orders than taking them. Maybe you like the power, or just like controlling the pace, perhaps your partner likes to be dominanted, or maybe you get a kick out of the whole master/slave relationship, it could be something as small as liking to be on top during sex and tie up your lover to tease them, or it could be as kinky as them having to ask your permission to do anything at all. Either way, you are firm and you enjoy it! You prefer to give than recieve. This makes you a very unselfish lover, devoted to the needs of your partner rather than your own. You get your pleasure from seeing them get theirs, you are a model sex partner. I'm sure plenty of people would love to have someone like you in bed with them! Remember though that if your partner gets pleasure from returning the favour it's okay to let them, they might love giving as much as you do! WE SUGGEST YOU: get into some slightly more hardcore fantasy territory. Go for bondage in a not so light and fluffy way and discover just what you really like. Want to play master/slave games? Want to be tied up or tie someone up, in just enough discomfort that they don't quite relax? Want to try a threesome? Maybe you'd even like to try out sado-masochism. It's your call. Whatever you do, unleash that kinky thing you've always really wanted to try and give it a go, you're a great lover, and you know it, up for anything, generous, imaginative, confident, and happy to go for what you want, so enjoy.

Take the "What's Your Sexual Style?" Test at HelloQuizzy stolen from Real Live Lesbian...because I'm lazy to think of anything to post today!

The Story of Al

"Write a post about sex." she said.

"What should it be about?" I asked.

"Sex." came the obvious reply.

"No, what about sex? I can't just do a bow-chicka-bow-wow post! It has to be the kinkiest sex I've had, or a time I got caught doing it, or something." I whined, trying to put her off the idea of my writing a sex post.

"Fine then, just tell a story, any story, and dedicate it to me." she said, somewhat annoyed.
"No, I can hear your brain cells constricting, it's too much pressure, don't bother." She added in a guilt coated bullet straight to the heart.

So here it is, the story of al. You may have noticed al in the upper right hand corner of my blog. I thought he was cute and wanted to add him, but I let the company post him to my sidebar rather than pasting the code in myself, so he ended up way up at the top, and I didn't like him there.
My girl helped create and name al, and she grew attached to him immediately. She was unhappy about me deleting him, and was sure I would not put him back in a new lower position in my sidebar, so there he is...for now.

We had this exchange over the phone as we are geographically undesirable to one another. When we do see each other it involves airplanes and airfare and suitcases. We usually spend the time we have together holed up having lots and lots of sex, some food, and showering. I suspect if we had more time together we might at some point venture out, and do something together ya know, with clothes on, but we may never know.

She loves the way I move on top of her, the rhythm, the gentleness. I love the way she moves beneath me, the way her thrusts meet mine, the way she sounds, and how it never stays slow and easy for very long. She loves to talk to me and say things she knows will get me excited, and I reciprocate. We know very well what these things are, because we have sex over the phone more often then not, and all we have then, are the things we say. We know what the buzz words and phrases are for each other. We take each other all kinds of wonderful places without ever leaving the house. We don't know if our long distance relationship will ever turn into a real live living together, shopping together, taking turns vacuuming kind of thing, but we do seem to cling to one another very tightly for all the miles between us.

She is my far-away but close to my heart sweetheart, and al is for her, and so is this story.

If I Could

If I left right now, and I drove straight through, I could be there by Sunday.

I would show up in my pick up truck and throw your stuff in the bed.

You'd be there with your long brown hair, blue eyes, and pretty smile.

You'd hold me tight, you'd let me sleep all night, but when the morning came

We'd make love, and thank God above, for sending me your way

After that we'd go to leave and all your shit is gone

I should've waited until we were ready to leave before I threw it all back there

If I could, I'd replace it all, every last sock and shoe

Screw you too, just stay here, I don't know what I was thinking

With the price of gas, you're one expensive piece of ass, and now I've got to go

If I could, do it all over, I wouldn't have done it at all

You want me so let's just let that be, it's a happy enough ending for me

That's the closest I've ever come to writing a country song. It started out being a sincere poem, but my humor can't seem to take a back seat to romance or politics or even personal safety. If the opportunity presents itself, I take it. It's a sickness! I'm putting on my flak jacket immediately after I post this!